I thought she is the one

Oh it’s nice to be back here at WordPress. 🙂

I haven’t wrote any entries for the month of July due to hectic schedule. So hard to find time though! Tsk! Good thing that I finally have the time to blog again. 🙂

Let me start this blog  by sharing those painful happenings for the past few months.

It all started when I noticed her in school, actually she was my student at that time (corrupting minor! haha). Ironic isn’t it? I don’t have any right term/s to describe what I feel at that time when I noticed her. It’s just that, I was being stunned and amazed by her presence, her aura and the way she act and carry herself. I told myself that “This is it! She’s the one that I’ve been waiting for.” And so I’ve waited for the right time to court her (after she graduated from college).

During those times when I start courting her, at first I was uncertain if I can stepped up on her standard or what. I was afraid to be rejected which leads me to feel discouraged to continue, but those notions never hinder me to pursue her. Luckily after almost a year of long distance courtship, we ended up together. At first, it was a happy-go-lucky and full of fantasies and enchanting thoughts but it gets more tricky upon the duration of our relationship.

For me, I thought I am matured and committed enough to face everything for my love. I thought that Long Distance Relationship was just a plain word itself and we can keep up on the consequences being brought by that kind of relationship. Every time we see each other, we tried our best to cherished the time we had. We talked about everything and nothing in particular and even talked about promises that if we can’t make it to the end, we’re still be friends. We keep on asking ourselves if “Kaya pa ba?” and I always lifting and reminding her to not give up and keep on enduring.

I tried my best to make time and effort just to spend time with her but the negative effect of Long Distance Relationship starts to stained the state of our relationship. I couldn’t help it. At first, I keep on reminding myself that this is just part of the struggle brought by having this kind of relationship and tried to perceptively understand and fathom the situation and put things in a lighter way. The once fairy tale feelings starts to disappear.  I was so naive and insensitive of what she feels about the state of  our relationship. I always keep on reminding her that this is just normal on a relationship (actually it’s her first time to enter into a relationship), but then things gets worst and more complicated. I don’t understand at that time on what is happening to me. Is it because the sparks are gone? Is it because I seldom saw her? Is it because of the conflicts schedules we had? A lot of questions clouds in my mind on why are those things are happening. We start asking ourselves again if “should we stop it or not?”. So we gave ourselves a chance to restore and fixed those shortcomings but it fails and eventually we decided to put an end on it.

I was very depressed, disappointed, frustrated on myself because I broke with the girl I loved. I was so immature and selfish. The difficulty to saved the relationship was a losing battle. We both knew this was coming and I admit that it’s my fault for being not a man of word. I asked for forgiveness for all the messed I made.

I thought we can endured the agony of Long Distance Relationship, but we failed to managed and overcome it! It pains me to see the girl I loved being hurt of our decision to end up our relationship. I was very guilty and felt ashamed on what happened. I can’t even expressed to anyone what I felt, maybe because I was too afraid to received any reactions or comments coming from those who knows us. I kept on blaming myself on why it turns out to be like that. I kept this breakup to my close friends for some quiet time until I cannot no longer hide it and finally share it to them. It was awkward at first (I’m not the type of person who shares things like this), but then it turns out to be a wise decision for it to share. Those burden feelings were released and I thank them for being with me especially on those moments when I needed them the most.

What’s the difficult thing about being in love is that, you cannot control what will happen. Nakaka psycho minsan – yun bang feeling mo sa kanya na umiikot yung mundo mo. Sometimes it will also make you a fool and isip-bata. Actually, it’s nice to be in love if you know how to handle and deal with it.

The most important thing that I’ve learned about love is to expect less and spread the love. Don’t expect for something in return especially if you invest a lot of time and effort on it. Just express your love to someone you care without setting any expectations. As the saying goes “It’s better to give than to receive”. 

Well for now, the best way to cope up with this peculiar feeling is to MOVE ON. Accept the fact that she’s no longer into me and quit thinking about being so shattered because I’m not as broken as I think I am. Time heals almost everything. We cannot speed up the process of moving on because it takes time for us to feel better. All I can do right now is be POSITIVE and PRAY and ASKED GOD for guidance. He’s not going to let you go through something that you can’t manage. I’m not the only one who has these dark stages of life; a lot of people have the worst experiences than me. Somehow I am thankful that He allowed this to happened to me because I’ve learned a lot not just on the context of love per se but also to be more mature and be conscious on the feelings of others. Remember, there’s a purpose for everything. Not all of us have the happy ending we might think. I was reminded by this, “Don’t waste time being stuck on those memories. Have the courage to cope up and heads up! It’s not the end of the world. Don’t let this failure changes the way you see the beauty of love.” God’s plan are better than ours. Let’s wait for God’s right time, I tell you, It’s worth it! Smile lang, Hindi ka nag-iisa! hehe 

I purposely write this blog as an avenue for me to expressed what I feel during those times. Weird isn’t it? Haha! Like I’ve said, I’m not the type of person  who shares things like this. I don’t care if you think it is corny, baduy, gayshit or whatever terms you might labeled on me upon posting this kind of blog. haha!

PS: If you are reading this, I just want to tell you that I’m so sorry for all the mistakes that I’ve done; for giving you false hopes and for everything that I’ve done to you. I do hope that we can still be friends.